One of those requests that really makes you question your own sanity.

I am trapped in a sisyphean nightmare where the ability to embed playable video into PDFs would actually help and be positive. Somehow.

Acrobat supports h.264 playback.

Is Prince (sigh) able to embed video?

John Haugeland is http://fullof.bs/

We don't support embedding video (or audio) in PDF yet no. I think the basic support for embedding the file might not be too difficult, but typically people would want a way to control the thumbnail image for embedded videos, that might take more work.